I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
