youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
