Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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