im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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