Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
