I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
