Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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