She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There's always time for handjobs
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
