Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
