theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
