I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
