S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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