fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wear drunk well.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
