bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
