A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
