i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You are a genius and a whore.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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