lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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