Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
