My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
