brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
