yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
