If i come over, it means nothing
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i think i just lost a toe
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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