She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
