Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
