half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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