remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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