I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
