Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
