is wine microwaveable?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
