when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
