i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
