when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
