It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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