My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
