I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
