She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
