i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
