worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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