i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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