It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
