It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
