Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
