I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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