she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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