well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
