Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
