i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
