Banned from zoo.
Again?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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