Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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