Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it's like iHOP with fire
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
