i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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