he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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