one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
