I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
