I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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