if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
im on a boat
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