There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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