it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
