I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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