You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize