I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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