so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
