I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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