Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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