I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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