She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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