we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
