no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
