She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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