12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
