and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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