cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
