and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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