I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
