Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
