he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.