I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We are two peas in an std pod
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...