I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.