clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen