Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
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BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
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But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms