dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.