i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!