Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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