It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize