I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
