Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

you would pick up someone in the library

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(303): View more from Colorado

i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.

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(443): View more from Maryland

I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best

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(719): View more from Colorado

And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.

(607): View more from New York

I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero

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(703): View more from Virginia

Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.

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