YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
